I want to take a break from life. I know it’s a bold statement and it sounds a little obscure but this year has been a little more than I wanted. I think everyone by now knows I had a 5 year plan that went sour. I thought the year 2009 was going to be a remarkable year. A year to succeed in school, find a great internship, and continue in what I thought was a perfect relationship. School is consistently fine. The great internship wasn’t exactly what I expected but I got through it. And my perfect relationship started to unravel and ended unexpectedly when I went on internship.
Things change. People don’t.
Let us not dwell on this crappiness. Let’s talk about the last few months. Ok erase that. Let’s not talk about October and November. Let’s not talk about how December either or the rest of winter which depresses me.
We’re done talking about summer and how wonderful it was and how I thought I found someone perfect for me and how they left. I’m done. I’m getting bored of talking about him. Nothing new comes of it and I can’t change the fact he moved. So fuck you for leaving.
Wow. I said it! Ha, I said what I’ve wanted to say for 1 month and 23 days. FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING ME! Yes, FUCK YOU!
Now I want to go through the steps Ximena usually takes to get over a guy.
1. Drinking heavily
2. Talking excessively about what happened
3. Drinking
4. Crying
5. Calling that person to make sure they know they made a mistake
6. Looking like a stalker or sounding like one
7. Going on really bad dates
8. Talking to her dates about her latest break up
9. And then one day it clicks…Fuck You.
During this process friends, relatives, anyone who wants to listen has to endure me talking about my latest break up until I’m done hearing clichés. I’m done listening to “you’ll find someone else, someone who gets you”, I’m done hearing, “you should enjoy being single”. I’m also done hearing, “It’s for the best…”. Why doesn’t anyone say what you really want to hear?
Why doesn’t anyone say that guy was a douchebag?
Or why were you with that pathetic loser?
Or FUCK THAT GUY!
Actually, Zach did say “Fuck that guy”. I should have listened but it’s a process. It’s the stages of grief. Good Grief, Charlie Brown.
1. Shock and Denial- This one took longer to realize that I actually had lost something
2. Pain and Guilt- Some definite crying and well feeling like shit
3. Anger and Bargaining- Oh yeah that “Fuck you” was definitely anger!
4. Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection-3 days of watching sitcoms and eating junk (yeah, I’ve had better days)
5. The Upward Turn-Right now!
6. Reconstruction-Coming Soon
7. Acceptance and Hope- I really hope this one is coming soon!
So this might be a little much going through the stages of grief but I think it hold pretty true no matter how you see it. As mature or immature of a break up or rejection or anything else, you do go through these stages. Some people get hold up on one or the other and never really realize they need to get to acceptance to really move on.
I like when you can see with a whole lot of clarity. Yeah today I felt like I was going to get stuck in depression stage. I mean 3 days of sitting in bed crying, watching bad sitcoms and eating junk food isn’t pretty. Life passes you by if you just do that.
I’m ready to conquer the world again.
