I've decided to give this a shot once again, and its not because my adoring fans are asking for more which they aren't. I've decided I know shit piss dick about love and I'm not afraid of it anymore. There are no rules and if there are they are 100% made to be broken. So all you lonelies out there playing by some playbook put it down and go look for dance partner, movie buddy, pint friend or whatever you want to call them but call them and don't wait 3 days to call them back again if you liked them, fucking just call them.
Now that I got that out of my system. Lets get back to nitty gritty. I started this back when I was naively out of relationship that took a lot out of me and blindly fell for someone who maybe didn't feel exactly the way I did for him. After all that I went on a lot of dates, a lot of people who had potential but fell short because of the dating game. Then, I moved and I started writing about my new relationship which was falling in love with a new city and making friendships and how being a transplant is really hard.
Finally, I promised to date 52 guys and I DID...Not.
When I moved here I wanted to find a friend someone who understood me and could watch marathons of series with me, who wanted to go out dancing, party, have a good time. Someone who liked nice cooked meals but wouldn't mind getting a drink on a Tuesday night. I have found that, and things are not 100% perfect because nothing in life really is. Things get messy, complicated and people fight and sometimes you hate each other but at the end of the day I know that while I'm a transplant in a newish town, I have that person to go home to.
I know I said I wanted my soul mate but what the fuck do I know. Are there even soul mates? The people I dated in my past I wanted so badly to mold them I wanted to make them into something they weren't. I romanticized relationships and made things into what I wanted them to be. No, I'm not a sociopath and yes, sure I run into head first into things but isn't that what life is. Life is a series of risks and if you just sit there not taking any, don't you just let life pass you by. At 27 years old I know I haven't hardly taken all the risks but when it comes to people I love, friendships, relationships I risk everything. I put it all on the table. Its there for the taking.
I got to thinking about this blog today, when a friend approached me and told me what she was going through. I thought to myself, I want to console her and tell her it gets better. Wounds become scars and even scars fade. Yes, right now it feels terrible it feels like blood is gushing everywhere and you are going to bleed out but you won't. You'll pick yourself up and put on a band-aid because that's the best you can do, even when you are oozing blood and guess what you won't die. You'll feel the pain and there will be days you feel good and others where you just want to shut the whole world out but it gets better with time. It hurts because when you fall in love, you let yourself be vulnerable with that person assuming and naively thinking they won't hurt you, you're untouchable. Then when they turn around and tell you its over, you feel out of control, confused, overwhelmed, "How could they do this?", they almost gave you an unspoken promise and broke it. Nothing is certain. Nothing is 100% guarantee, and one day maybe it'll be you on the other side saying, "its not working out".
So with all this uncertainty, the idea that there isn't a perfect someone out there, and blood everywhere, how do I stay optimistic? How do I keep a level head and not romanticize it all? I do, to a certain point believe in the idea of living coexisting in someones life, being part of that brief history of them. That's all you can do. One day you'll find someone who wants you to be part of their story. It may be not clear, it might be complicated, messy, but its your story with them and at the end of the day that's what you want. You want to be a character in someones story.
