There are many things I would love to say to you but I can't. There are so many stories and anecdotes I'd like to share but you don't want to hear. Sometimes I feel I have to be protective of you because I feel you are naive. I really do appreciate your friendship and at times its been hard. I'm not the easiest person in the world to be friends with but I try hard to be a good friend. I am loyal to a fault, I don't hold grudges not matter how bad the argument, and whenever you need me I'll be there.
I'm angry at not only the decisions you have made but your backseat approach to things. I'm disappointed at your anger being directed towards me who perhaps I haven't been the most approachable and supportive person through this but I have been there for you.
Yes, this is your problem. Yes, this is your mistake. Yes, these are things I encourage because I do think its important to make mistakes and live with them and learn from them. Yes, this is something that happened between two people and a third party should not be involved.
I tend to not apologize for things I have said. I am not one to take words back because in retrospect you will see they weren't harsh, the things said were true. But if you need an apology I will only do this once because I care. I hate to admit it but I do. I care about your well being and your mental health. I care that you have a people that will always be there for you. I don't see things eye to eye with you right now and that frustrates me, which includes harsh criticism. I'm sorry for things that were out of line but I do not apologize for my opinion on the matter.
I don't want you to think because I apologized you have to accept right away. You may not think this acceptable and that is more than fine. Take your time, analyze the situation, and again learn from it. Like I said all things small and big are lessons learned. They're not mistakes they're choice you made and things you have to deal with.
Life isn't easy. Happiness doesn't come easy. Friendships, relationships, etc. are not easy. To have a great relationship you must work on it. To have a great life you must work on it. To figure yourself out, you have to make choices and learn from them.
I'm sorry I judged you harshly.
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm irrational.
Take for what its worth. I'll be here if you need me.
Your friend,
Ximena
I wish things hadden't gotten so bad. Honestly, looking back on it.. I feel like this disagreement got out of proportions. I see this now- and I just wanted to say I'm very sorry. I know appologies are difficult to take in as they are to give. I just hope our relationship doesn't disappear because honestly I do care about you. I ask Maayan about you almost everyday. It kills me not to talk to you on IM.
ReplyDeleteI think our argument is deeper than the surface disagreement- but I think we said things that hold truth- but shouldn't matter in the big scheme of things.
The truth is that I miss talking with you- the drama and simple fun and meaningless talks. I know things wont mend its self overnight- but I want to work towards being on a mutual page and start fresh.
<333kelly