Fear

I'll admit it here first, I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of what the future holds for me. I'm afraid of making dumb decisions. But mostly I'm afraid of getting hurt by love. I mostly write about how I am recovering from a series of break ups. The fact is plain and simple I ran from a lot of things and never got to deal with the consequences and one day it all caught up with me. One day I realized I was alone and I didn't have a back plan. I had to deal with all those things I had been running from. Consequently, it wasn't a pretty process and some people did get caught in the middle of it. Slowly but surely I have been recovering and although its been a rather tedious process I'm doing better much better than before.
Fear paralysis you. It keeps you from doing many things. It also makes you do things you didn't think you were capable of doing. Fear is a drug.
In a year I've found out many things about myself I wasn't aware of. In the past I've been the girl that isn't afraid of challenge, change, or anything in paticular but lately I have. I've been
cautious and I haven't let anyone in my life, some might say its because I wasn't over people but mostly it was because I was afraid of getting hurt once again. Some might say I made a great decision to take a job in Chicago instead of elsewhere, I think it might have been a cop out on my part to stay in my safety zone. Whatever the case I have been cautious and while being cautious I haven't gotten hurt but living in fear is like living a life half lived. In life you have to take a risk. In life you have to make room for change. In life you have to not be afraid. I guess its time to take a chance, make a change, and perhaps even allow for people to come in. Its time to take the plunge and take a risk.
Wow, when did I become such a walking cliche? I guess instead of hiding out and hoping not get dick slapped by reality, it is time to stop being a little bitch. That's all.