"Lets take things day by day"

SPRING BREAK! What a wonderful time of year? Body shots, unwanted tattoos, hook-ups all the mixing of a great MTV show or maybe you take the untraditional route (i.e, you lounge at home and watch the crap they play on MTV). As for me I've always been a fan of just sleeping, eating, and repeating, with occasional showering, (this will have the men running to me, come on over baby). Yes, its been awhile since I last posted something and I don't know if I've somehow become more cynical. If my life is just reaching that turning point. Or perhaps I'm just too busy to care but I have really nothing I want to share.

Except, you might be reading another very similar blog format but about a completely new set of rules. A set of rules that applies to the workplace, professionalism, hospitality, related world. While, I am no Anthony Bourdain I have had my share of crazy guests, even weirder bosses, and the inner workings of hotels, restaurants, and country clubs. At some point all those accounts will come together and I will share all my stories with you. Right now they're rough and perhaps you're thinking well you're relationship stories aren't any better. True, they're probably not I am still learning, recovering, and making my way through life without getting stab in the heart. As for my professional career I hold very true and very dear to my heart and for some reason I can't quite have everyone reading my every heartbreaking and embarrassing anecdote quite yet, it might still be too fresh a wound to pour salt in.

At this point you're thinking WHO CARES about your future blog get to the nitty gritty shit again. Fine.

We've all been in fucked up relationships. Its not a competition of who has the worst relationship and what happened or who did what to who or how did they fuck up. I'm sure we've all dealt with some schmoes that to this day we're probably not all over the damage we went through. I am saying this with the greatest of honesty, why the hell do we get into these relationships? What in our mind makes us say..Oh, sweet druggie, you'll get off the coke and meth for me, won't you? What kind of dark and twisted soul doesn't just shut the door on these fucked up creatures and I actually have the answer to this, you have to be naive. Completely and utterly naive to fall for this person.

Yesterday, a group of friends and I were talking about our past something we do when theres not much else to say (you can obviously tell school has been out for too long), we all had these terrible stories of guys that hurt us and our heart being broken and the terrible things we had to endure. While listening to their stories and my own I realized this was several years ago that I went through this. Since then I had yet to be in relationship that was quite as detrimental but also as effective in my maturity as that one. As if that single relationship matured me from girl to woman. I know this sounds vaguely familiar but I was naive. I started listening to more stories of being attracted to unlikely characters, weird dates, and a relationship that seemed had no potential and I realized I am not in their same boat. Yes, I have romantic notions and I sometimes people think I am wasting my time dating the wrong people. The difference being is that I don't feel naive, vulnerable or out of control. I actually feel the complete opposite. I feel controlling and like I've put a barrier up.

At this point you are thinking, yeah fucking right? A few months ago you wrote a post apologizing to someone but that was the last time I let myself be vulnerable with a guy. We had a history and I wanted it to work. I had this romantic view that we were somehow always suppose to be and I let my guard down for a second. I know it wasn't smart but that's who I am or more like the girl I used to be. The notion proceeds me that I don't want to be hurt, I know no one wants to be hurt but that's the quintessential thing about love. Its a risk.

Right now I am about to take a risk in many aspects. I am scared. I'm vulnerable and I am terrified. I'm also hopeful, excited, and for some reason I feel its a step in the right direction. It has little to do with love but it has to do with me. It's a risk. Maybe this is why right now I don't feel like taking any risks in my love life. I don't want to comprise everything I've worked so hard to get. For it all to fall apart because I am that person who will always choose love before anything else as it has shown in the past it can only deter you from the things you really need to accomplish.

At this time I will take a hint from someone that changed the way I think and follow the mantra that has been in my heart since, "lets take things day by day". Its risk but I think I am willing to take it.