7 years ago a girl (I knew) scribbled furiously in her journal and she said, I am sad, scared but I know I am embarking in an adventure that will change me forever. 7 years later I am no longer scribbling in that journal or the 3 that were filled with anecdotes of a year lived abroad, stories of a boy that hurt me in high school, or friends and family that I truly missed and didn't quite understand. I am still somehow writing a little more free, less restricted and without compromise. I am still that scared girl embarking on another journey. I am ready for a new adventure and while the last four years in Chicago have been great in every sense, its time for a change.
Last time I wrote in my journal like this I was crying, scared to death of how I was going to change or how moving to the Netherlands was going to make me see things differently. Now, I take moving with a grain of salt. I see it as a new experience. A place where no one knows you and you can start fresh, there are no past perceptions or expectations and you can change anything about yourself.
Yes, moving will be hard and I am leaving behind a great deal of remarkable people that have moved and shaped me in more ways than I can say. I have learned about myself and have grown as a person, daughter, lover, and of course as friend. My devotion to you will not waver and no matter how far I am, I will always be there.
This isn't the craziest or most irrational decision I have ever made, this is a well thought out plan with perhaps poor execution but that's all part of the charm. I am excited and petrified of what is to come.
All I know is that if 17 year old Ximena ever met 24 year old Ximena she would she would give her the ass-kicking of her life and ask her when she lost the ability to have a backbone and her sense of adventure. In that sense I am 17 again, ready to take on the world and show everyone I haven't lost that spark.
Bring it on San Fransisco. Bring it on.
*I will be buying a journal and keeping a daily log like I did so many years ago for one year
**I will take a story, anecdote, etc from each week and turn it into a blog. 365 entries/52 posts.
***Yes, this is a start of a new blog.
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