For Maayan...

Tonight I had to say to goodbye to one of my best friend's here in Chicago. She's been my rock for the last two years. She knows my secrets, my regrets, my goals, and everything in between. In short I'm going to miss that crazy bitch more than anyone else. For years I had been saying I don't really make friends with girls. I am not one to be friends with a bunch of chicks and then all of sudden I am. I know my blogs are usually about relationships, break-ups and all that other jazz. While I am not breaking up with this person and our friendship will not waver things will change. We will see each other less and time will tell us if the distance changes the dynamic of our friendship. I don't want to dwell in time distance decay theory because I think its utter shit. I don't want to talk about how this the end of an era and how we will grow apart. How this breaks my heart and how I wish I could take her with me.
Instead I'll hold this promise to you Maayan:You will always be the friend that was there to cry with me when I was sad and held me through a really hard patch. You'll be the best shopping buddy I've ever had. You also hold the record of best dates and awesome restaurant experiences. I hope you will always remember fish tacos and margaritas, gilmore girls, and mustache Monday's. I am always a phone call away and when I make a promise I keep it. This isn't the end, this is just the beginning and there is a long road in front of us my friend.
I haven't really cried until tonight because honestly friend...you are the best and I will miss the most.

Thanks and see you soon.

Good Time For A Change...

7 years ago a girl (I knew) scribbled furiously in her journal and she said, I am sad, scared but I know I am embarking in an adventure that will change me forever. 7 years later I am no longer scribbling in that journal or the 3 that were filled with anecdotes of a year lived abroad, stories of a boy that hurt me in high school, or friends and family that I truly missed and didn't quite understand. I am still somehow writing a little more free, less restricted and without compromise. I am still that scared girl embarking on another journey. I am ready for a new adventure and while the last four years in Chicago have been great in every sense, its time for a change.
Last time I wrote in my journal like this I was crying, scared to death of how I was going to change or how moving to the Netherlands was going to make me see things differently. Now, I take moving with a grain of salt. I see it as a new experience. A place where no one knows you and you can start fresh, there are no past perceptions or expectations and you can change anything about yourself.
Yes, moving will be hard and I am leaving behind a great deal of remarkable people that have moved and shaped me in more ways than I can say. I have learned about myself and have grown as a person, daughter, lover, and of course as friend. My devotion to you will not waver and no matter how far I am, I will always be there.
This isn't the craziest or most irrational decision I have ever made, this is a well thought out plan with perhaps poor execution but that's all part of the charm. I am excited and petrified of what is to come.
All I know is that if 17 year old Ximena ever met 24 year old Ximena she would she would give her the ass-kicking of her life and ask her when she lost the ability to have a backbone and her sense of adventure. In that sense I am 17 again, ready to take on the world and show everyone I haven't lost that spark.
Bring it on San Fransisco. Bring it on.

*I will be buying a journal and keeping a daily log like I did so many years ago for one year
**I will take a story, anecdote, etc from each week and turn it into a blog. 365 entries/52 posts.
***Yes, this is a start of a new blog.