Is that the Austin Motel Sign or are you just happy to see me?

I'm back!!!

Getting my shit together has been tougher than I thought. I mean honestly, I thought I was going to go back home to Texas, I was going to find this amazing job in San Francisco in a month tops and I was going to move there and all these magical unicorns were going to whisk me off to the sunset as the prodigal daughter coming back to save California from evils like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Paris Hilton and other tragedies of the state. Instead, I stayed unemployed in Del Rio, Texas for 3 months which seemed like forever. Then, I found myself moving to Austin and buying a car which I promised myself I would never do but, I did. Getting a job as a waitress which I promised myself I'd never go back to doing but I have to right now to make ends meet and to top things off I live alone. Alone really alone, like no cat or dog, fish or any living creature lives with me and while I have lived in places where I've felt alone, this is a first for me and I'm not 100% sure how to feel about it. So, I'm not saving Californians but I guess there are worse tragedies in Texas than California so, we have to deal with people thinking Rick Perry is actually an acceptable candidate and also having to watch Fox News as a real information source which kinda kills me inside. But lets get to the goods of Austin: Great Live Music every night of the week (Live Music Capital of the World), its gotta mean something, Texans know how to cook, and well its nice I'm not freezing my ass off and I moved here in the "dead of winter".

I think I've griped before about how alone and sad I was and how hard it was to live in Chicago and how I wish I had a companion. What a load of shit that was. Right now, I am hoping for change (something Obama promised me almost 4 years ago and has somewhat delivered). I am hoping for that magical fairy to find me a better job and for me never to see a dirty dish again, well other than my own. I am hoping to make new friends and really start enjoying this town. Hardships will always be in your life and its how you overcome them. I was consumed with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss of confidence in myself recently and I disliked it. I truly was feeling sad for myself but I had to stop and rethink, "where was I 2 months ago?" I have a hardass as a friend and sometimes you need them. Sometimes you need someone to push your buttons but sometimes you need a cheerleader. You need someone to be in your corner with you and not sucker punching you when you're down. I think that's something I've learned recently I don't want to be that friend that is "too honest" or "tells things how they are" or "the realist" I want to be compassionate and be empathetic. Now, is the time I need a cheerleader, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on. My resources in this town are limited, I didn't go to college here and I don't have slew of friends to call and go and have beer with, I have a handful (and that's stretching it) of people that I can call so please find a way of relating to me. I hate lecturing people on friendship because the way I see it is that you aren't stuck with these people you call friends. If you don't like them for whatever reason you can say "hey, this is just not working anymore" or you can just avoid them like a plague pretty much like any other relationship. I guess when you've been friends with someone for so long you forget that you can do that or perhaps you don't even realize it. The nice thing about friendships is this people come and go and they grow in other relationships and maybe someday you'll get the opportunity to have them back in your life again (which happens to me often). The importance of friendships is what they provide perhaps its someone you share all your secrets with, someone who makes you laugh, a hobby buddy, etc. I mean that's the fantastic thing about friendships they're certainly undefined. I moved to Austin because I have a friend and I've always wanted to live here. I finally moved here and I still have that same friend to push me when I'm lacking in confidence and to make me laugh when I'm feeling down. I'm glad I live in Austin, y'all.