Halloween!

Hello fellow followers! I'm sorry for disappearing on you like that, I guess I could lie here and say my life has become hectic and I have a whirlwind of stuff to write but I won't because nothing has really happened. The last posting missed the mark as I was severely angry at a certain someone that still rattles my very core. You know who you are, how can I put this politely,"Bugger off!" Now that's settled lets continue on.

I would love to wish everyone a very happy Hollows Eve. Now as it tradition we will all dress up and stay up drinking libations and will conduct ourselves badly. Lets take into account that every Halloween we all part take in these great traditions but I think that is time that we really should refrain from bad behavior. Yes, we've all had costume malfunctions a la Janet Jackson (Super Bowl fiasco). We've all made bad decisions of going home with Frankenstein and left (his) bride at the party. So this year boys and girls act responsibly. Boys, yes you, I know you all get your hopes up waiting for the only day of the year to dress like a girl, please please don't. Your other homophobic bros might think its great (or hott) that you look like a hot hooters mama but just do yourself a favor and dress up like something else. Anything please!

Girls, I know we all have a little slut brooding inside all of us. Yes, we would love to be that cheap trashy girl in 5 inch heels on the corner selling our bodies for cash...oh you don't? Well then don't dress like a hooker unless you're Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (and remember Richard Gere wouldn't have taken her anywhere if she didn't know how to drive a shift stick and get a makeover). Please don't take beloved childhood classics like Little Red Riding Hood and turn her into a whore, its in bad taste really. So all of you out there dressing up in Lady Gaga costumes, visiting an era (20s,30s(?),40s,50s,etc), dressing up like your favorite super hero or villain or take a stab at Avatar and I presume a lot of Rocky Horror this year, I salute you. Have a Happy Halloween! Be safe because the last thing we want to read is some terrible news heading that reads the following "Jack o' lantern takes a stab at College Students"Again have fun, be safe, don't puke in pumpkins, and Happy Halloween!

You're So Vain..I Betcha Think This Blog Is About You, Don't You?

Yesterday, I started writing a post about closure. It was how you get to that essential moment of clarity and conformity and you just live or coexist brilliantly with an ex. My prime example was how I have this on going friendship with my ex-boyfriend Carlos. I'm sure there is a lot of people that hate him and there are days I hate him myself but then I realize we're not in a relationship anymore and when I need advice he's always there. He's a great shoulder to cry on and when it comes to friendships I really appreciate him always being there. He could really call it quits and I wouldn't be offended since we haven't seen each other in years. There are others that at this moment, I would love nothing more for them to fall off the face of the Earth. Yes, you know who you are. There are more of these characters on my list everyday.

I give a lot of personal references in these posts. Yes, I do write about some stuff that I am ashamed of doing and perhaps things that I shouldn't say aloud but I do it anyway. My mom said to me when she found that I was writing a blog that, "to write about oneself is to be able to undress your soul". I agree some of the stuff I say in my blog does hurt. I reread some of my posts and most of the time I laugh at myself, other times I say "jeez, what the hell was I thinking?" and most of the time it gives me a great sense that I can share these things when most people would never have the audacity to do this. I share things because like I said this is my outlet and if you don't like the things being said in this blog, don't read it. I'm not writing this blog for any of my ex boyfriends. If you are reading this and you did date me now you know how I feel. I think if you dated me you should have known how I felt then but if you didn't well here it is. I've gotten a lot of comments on my blog I guess some people hate it, others love it and some people find it helpful. I, on the other hand, find it to be something I enjoy doing and I will continue to post personal anecdotes. As painful these things are to write about sometimes I find it the only person that can actually be ashamed or embarrassed is me and as of right now I have nothing that I am ashamed about.
I guess this is what closure is all about.

A Little Explanation

I feel I need to apologize to some of the guys I've called scum in some of my posts. They're not scum, some of their actions, some of their decisions and the way they handled things might be scum but they're not scum. I can say that my decision making was probably poor too. I was probably making rash decisions on things that I wasn't sure of, I think that's what love is sometimes. You get a little blinded by that feeling of lust and something new that you forget all the principles. Then after the relationship is over you focus on all the things that weren't right and you start calling people "scum" or "assholes", when really they probably should be called realist. They realized that the relationship was going nowhere or it wasn't the right time or maybe there was someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I spend a lot of time looking for answers or giving advice and maybe I shouldn't because I don't have my stuff in great shape. One day I'm fantasizing about some guy that is reading the right book at a coffee shop coming over and discussing indie bands and us falling in love and having hipster kids. The next day I'm still trying to shake off the feeling that I can't listen to that Elvis Costello song because it still reminds me of a great time in my life. I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not over some of my relationships but I guess you are never really over people you love. Some of which I can't stop talking to because they're a better friend than they ever were a boyfriend and some that slowly but surely have disappeared when I don't want them to. I guess this blog has become a therapeutic outlet for me. It helps me show my sadness, callousness, and the growth of my emotional stability. The guys in my life weren't horrible people, if anything they were great part of who I am shaping up to be. If it weren't for them I perhaps would never be so ambitious or carefree but I guess I hate sounding like a sap all the time. I want to make sure people understand this blog has no resonance of longing to old relationships, the reason that this blog exists is because of things that happened and what I've learned from them and if that's advice that might help, I'm glad.

Success

Lately I've been thinking how we rate someones success and for that reason I feel people rate you successful in 2 aspects. One would be how much money you have and secondly if you are in a relationship. Now granted the first one is something of merit, something you work hard and you get ahead but the latter is luck. It has nothing to do about how you present yourself or how great you maybe. It has to do if you are at the right place, if you are actually looking for a relationship, and the other person is ready to also be in a relationship with you. This has nothing to do with hard work. I spend a lot of time discussing failures and the process that goes into dealing with these failures. Emotional failures are one of those things that take time to adjust and a lot of time dedicating to bouncing back. I feel the minute people realize you are single you are put in this kind of "loser" bin. People start analyzing you, they start to think about what is wrong with you. I kind of want to say these people, "There is nothing wrong with me!". I have just picked a whole bunch of real losers and now I am being smart, analytical and wise about who to be with. No! there is nothing wrong with being single and guess what I think that makes me more successful than the couple who fights so much because they realize the only thing they have in common is that they both liked that movie with that actor. I'm not saying I want a carbon copy of myself and I am not saying I have not been trying to find a boyfriend. It occurs to me from time to time I don't really want to be alone for the rest of my life. Yet, something also comes to mind that I don't want to be in another dull relationship that isn't going anywhere and I don't want to string someone else along with me when I don't know what's going to happen in the near future. All I'm saying is that being single or being in relationship should qualify the success of a person. I would rather rate someones success on the amount of happiness in their life. Someone who enjoys their life just how it is or is looking to improve on their quality of their success such as loyalty, honesty, caring, career but isn't concentrating on their latest conquest of love. I think I just went up a few points on my success chart, its time to buy or sell, its my choice. I think I'll let it soar.