Best and Worst of 2009!

I've decided that I need to do a best and worst of the year since 2009 was really memorable.

Best song: I'm on a Boat. Yeah I'm still singing it.

Worst song: Birthday Sex...I hate that song

Best Musical: Dr. Horrible's Sing along Blog

Worst Musical: Ximena and Kelly singing along to Dr. Horrible

Best movie: Men Who Stare at Goats

Worst movie: The Box

Best Album: Elvis Costello- This Year's Model (i know it didn't come out this year but great stuff) and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Its Blitz! (this one did come out this year)

Worst Album: I can't come up with one I don't really listen to contemporary music

Best month: August, I started getting things in my life back together in a big way.

Worst month: May, my "perfect" little world started to unravel at its seams.

Best Website: Match.com and Okcupid.com they have both gotten me back on my feet.

Worst Site: Facebook you have stolen my life you whore!

Best Friends: Kelly Schultz and Maayan Schwartzman, without you two I'd be be done for the year thank you for being there when the going got tough. Also Special thanks to Mr. Chris Ricci, you brought out a light in me that no one had seen in years.

Worst Friends: Anyone who stopped talking to me after Matt and I broke up. so Matt and Joe, hopefully we can fix it in 2010.

Most Surprising revelation of 2009--I like Chicago Style Hot Dogs (I'm sure there was a more profound one but I can't remember)

Best Parties: Any thrown at Sean's

Worst Party: None, they've all been pretty great. Max's birthday it was a little scary. No need to drink like that buddy.

Best night of the week: Thursdays--Watching The Office with my girls

Worst day of the week: Mondays

Best Meal: Blackbird (thanks Chris) or Hot Doug's

Worst Meal: A whole bottle of wine

Best day alone: Getting lost on the 4th of July and watching the fireworks alone

Worst day alone: coming back to Chicago after Internship to broken down apartment

Best cupcake: Molly's too many good times although Bleeding Heart Bakery had a really amazing cupcake too

Worst cupcake: the ones Mateo and I made, they turn out to be sad cupcakes :(

Best Book: Its called a Breakup because its Broken

Worst Book: Its called a Breakup because its Broken

Best Apartment: 819 N. Wood!!

Worst Apartment: 1627 W. Grand

Best roommate: Kristen

Worst roommate: Matt

Biggest achievement: Losing 30 lbs in 3 months

Something not to be proud of: Waiting too many nights for Matt to call me.

Best Weekend: oh this ones hard, I really enjoyed the all girl weekend where we went to Maggiano's, Lucky Strike, watch The Box, went to Duck Walk, Molly's and went to see the Neo's.

The one that started at Sean's and ended with us ice skating

Or My first 2 days with Chris (yeah it was a whole weekend)

Worst Weekend: ?

Best Season: Summer or Fall.. Sfall (?)

Worst Season: Winter (Its cold, too cold)

Low point of the year: My break up with Matt

High point: Realizing it was going to be okay...Having fun and waiting for what is in store for 2010.

Yes, this was a year of ups and downs and turns and twists and all that other cliche stuff. I made poor decisions and things ended but others began. I have great friends, a nice apartment, and I'm fine.

Next year I can only hope is as memorable as 2009 and I wish everyone who was in my life this year the best. Happy New Year guys and lets make the best of 2010!!

FUCK YOU! Wow, that feels good.

I want to take a break from life. I know it’s a bold statement and it sounds a little obscure but this year has been a little more than I wanted. I think everyone by now knows I had a 5 year plan that went sour. I thought the year 2009 was going to be a remarkable year. A year to succeed in school, find a great internship, and continue in what I thought was a perfect relationship. School is consistently fine. The great internship wasn’t exactly what I expected but I got through it. And my perfect relationship started to unravel and ended unexpectedly when I went on internship.

Things change. People don’t.

Let us not dwell on this crappiness. Let’s talk about the last few months. Ok erase that. Let’s not talk about October and November. Let’s not talk about how December either or the rest of winter which depresses me.

We’re done talking about summer and how wonderful it was and how I thought I found someone perfect for me and how they left. I’m done. I’m getting bored of talking about him. Nothing new comes of it and I can’t change the fact he moved. So fuck you for leaving.

Wow. I said it! Ha, I said what I’ve wanted to say for 1 month and 23 days. FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING ME! Yes, FUCK YOU!

Now I want to go through the steps Ximena usually takes to get over a guy.

1. Drinking heavily

2. Talking excessively about what happened

3. Drinking

4. Crying

5. Calling that person to make sure they know they made a mistake

6. Looking like a stalker or sounding like one

7. Going on really bad dates

8. Talking to her dates about her latest break up

9. And then one day it clicks…Fuck You.

During this process friends, relatives, anyone who wants to listen has to endure me talking about my latest break up until I’m done hearing clichés. I’m done listening to “you’ll find someone else, someone who gets you”, I’m done hearing, “you should enjoy being single”. I’m also done hearing, “It’s for the best…”. Why doesn’t anyone say what you really want to hear?

Why doesn’t anyone say that guy was a douchebag?

Or why were you with that pathetic loser?

Or FUCK THAT GUY!

Actually, Zach did say “Fuck that guy”. I should have listened but it’s a process. It’s the stages of grief. Good Grief, Charlie Brown.

1. Shock and Denial- This one took longer to realize that I actually had lost something

2. Pain and Guilt- Some definite crying and well feeling like shit

3. Anger and Bargaining- Oh yeah that “Fuck you” was definitely anger!

4. Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection-3 days of watching sitcoms and eating junk (yeah, I’ve had better days)

5. The Upward Turn-Right now!

6. Reconstruction-Coming Soon

7. Acceptance and Hope- I really hope this one is coming soon!

So this might be a little much going through the stages of grief but I think it hold pretty true no matter how you see it. As mature or immature of a break up or rejection or anything else, you do go through these stages. Some people get hold up on one or the other and never really realize they need to get to acceptance to really move on.

I like when you can see with a whole lot of clarity. Yeah today I felt like I was going to get stuck in depression stage. I mean 3 days of sitting in bed crying, watching bad sitcoms and eating junk food isn’t pretty. Life passes you by if you just do that.

I’m ready to conquer the world again.

You. Yes. You.

My subscription to match is up and the age old questions is to renew or to not renew? I haven't been completely content with the website. I mean I get that its only a database and its more like a facebook for people looking for a relationship. I don't know if I'm interested in getting involved with anyone right now. I am happy being single. Plus my daily 5 suck. I mean I don't think I get 5 different guys everyday and they're not exactly what I am looking for. I don't know what I am looking for right now. Scratch that. I do know what I want but I can't have it. Why wouldn't I want it? Everyone knows. I know. He knows. You know.
I want it back! I want everything back. I want my dancing in the park back. I want my guitar hero. I want late night chatting. I want the comic book store. The endless book stores. I want movies in bed back. I want cuddling back. I want kissing back. I want foot rubs and squeezing back. I want pie, cupcakes, and long walks. I want good cups of coffee and animal crackers. I want hot dogs and music stores back. I don't want to spend everyday on the phone. I don't expect for you to care about every stupid thing that happens to me.
I want it back.
I wish I wasn't on that stupid website or you would have said no to dancing.I wish there had been no 14 hour date and no 16 hour second date. I wish you wouldn't like robots or Molly's or board games. I wish you would have spent more time with me or none at all. I know I am sap. I know this sucks. I know you had to go. I know, I wanted you to. I am happy for you. I am happy for you and I didn't cry when you left. I think I had done enough crying the last few times that I guess I didn't need to when you actually left.
We didn't have the "talk". I didn't want the "talk". The "talk" is stupid. Its completely unnecessary but now when I call I feel its time to have the "talk" and that's all that goes through my mind. I didn't have a proper goodbye. I had a little speech prepared but it was such a weird day with all the stuff that happened that I didn't have time to really register things properly, like the fact you were actually leaving.
*Melt down*
Insert upbeat song (My Sharona)
*Dancing*
We don't need the "talk". I am glad I went on that date. I am glad I was on match. I am glad we got to spend 2 of my favorite months together. I can't wait to see you again. So its not perfect but maybe that's my favorite part of this,the imperfections and the all the possibilities.

Fall

I wrote something and for whatever reason it didn't save and now I can't post that. It's lost forever and well as much as I can remember what I wrote I'm kind of glad its gone. It was long and sappy and girlie and who needs all that. Yes, its fall and I love this season with its leaves changing and the sweater weather and the apple cider and the holidays coming up. Then it turned into a thing about how much I've changed and how summer is over and its time to grow up. Give me a break! I don't write blogs that are emotional or that encourage me to relate the weather to my life and how the turning of leaves is like my life turning around for the better. That's all good and dandy and someone else can write about all that nonsense.
I haven't posted anything in a long time because I wrote a counter blog which disgusted me. People don't understand what I am writing about and have made it obviously clear they think I'm sap and someone who dwells on things and is hurt and the whole nine yards. They're suppose to be funny. They're suppose to encourage people to look at their lives and go "Oh, I don't have that bad." And you know what neither do I.
I am not looking for Mr. Right
I am not looking for Mr. Right Now
I am not looking to have a complete makeover
I am not dwelling on the ex.
I did on the other hand meet someone quite unexpectedly.
I did have a good summer.
I do love Chicago Style Hot Dogs.
I do have a beautiful apartment.
I am looking forward to this school year.
I am still looking for the perfect cupcake.
I am happy.
That's the key isn't it? To achieve that, to achieve a level of content. So I don't have a boyfriend. I could do better in school. I have quarrels with my roommates. I'm still on match.com but what is important is that this summer I got myself back. I had lost a little bit of me in 2 relationships. I didn't know who I was anymore but being a single and being free for a little bit made me realize well...I am happy.
I love fall and sweater weather and everything is ok...

In my Opinion:Counter Blog, I'm never doing this again!

Its come to my attention that women are whinny bitches. We crave attention, we're looking for the perfect guy, we're picky, we expect too much and guys go out of their way to impress us and for us to only reject them when we are not interested. Boo Hoo!

We should expect more! Wow you spend a whole hour getting ready to go to a bar and hit on a poor girl. Lets break down what a girl has to do on any given day just to step out her door:

1. Shower

2. Shave legs etc.

3. Pick out the outfit which consists not only on occasion, season, person they're meeting, style, brand, and comfort level

4. Nails

5. Shoes

6. Hair (Ironing, drying, gelling, mousing, shine, hair spray, curling, texturing)

7. Make-up and I'm not going to into detail here

8. Accessories

9. Purse

10. Making sure you have anything you can possibly need in case of emergency

Every poor girl has to go through this process no matter what they're doing. For what reason? So a guy can ask for your number who is wearing too much cologne or looking for random play? This is the reason we work so hard to look good. So a guy takes a 20 minute shower and irons a shirt and we're suppose to swoon. No thank you! Call me picky, call me demanding, call me shallow, call me vain but don't call me if you think you have it harder than us.

First,times are changing and more and more girls are making the first move. Secondly, if you are being picking up girls at bar or club they're not Mrs. right, they're Mrs. right now.

I love to look pretty and I don't mind the hours I spend in front of the mirror but that's a personal choice.

I'm sure if you are reading this blog on a regular basis you have no idea why I am writing this or maybe you do. This is out of my comfort level and I am only writing this because someone asked me for my opinion. I'm sure it doesn't matter what I think and I will stay true to form and continue writing what is personal in my own life. I'm not going to write a counter blog to someone else's, because its dumb to say the least. So this is a one time thing!

**This is what I think...I think its easy being a guy. I think its harder for a girl to go out there. I think we both get hurt guys and gals. I think romance is dead. I think its hard to be a sap and tell someone how you really feel. I think its sad people blog to get their opinions heard. I think its funny that blogs are soap boxes to stand on and tell people what's on your mind. I hate being whinny and emotional. I hate when people take things too seriously. Relax. Life happens and rarely takes time to wonder if you're going to be OK with it so, deal with it however you can. **

The Plan

I want to share my new philosophy.
I'm going through stuff in my life. My Ex-boyfriend broke up with me while internship, I had to flee my apartment and live with a fun crazy. I got an account on match.com. I've gone on dates, made new friends, and started to reanalyze things. To sum things up, I've changed.
I don't think things are as important as people make them to be. Things happen for a reason and life might have a purpose or maybe we just are someones pawns and we never find out why we go through all these crazy challenges. I like to think there's a purpose to why I had to be dumped and treated the way I was treated and that in the long run this will all make sense and its all part of the "plan". I'm a true believer in the plan and because I'm such a believer in this plan I have hundreds of stories that relate with insufferable parts of life. Like being laid off, dumped, moving, changing schools, changing friends, and any life altering events. I sometimes sound condescending and no, I don't know everything but I hope sometimes my stories give people insight or guidance. Sometimes my stories make sense and have purpose and sometimes they're just whimsical and can make you laugh because you know someone has it worse than you. I read this self-help book after I got broken up with.
Yeah, the textbook learner read a self-help book to get over her break-up. I know pathetic, I know. Anyway the book wasn't like this great realization of things I didn't know but more like Hey, Retard! You are not in the same boat as the crazies in this book. Yeah, you're a little messed up but things will get better, chin up and smile.
Its easier to be the pessimist and sit around and sulk. Its easy to be the downer and not care about anyone but yourself. Its also easier to just go home and cry and mope and not do anything but I realized, that's not me.
When the first guy I ever liked dumped me, I fixed stuff. I got my "shit together", yes, its hard to do sometimes but you have to move on, even when you don't want to. Yeah, I've done things I'm not proud of and stuff I have learned from. I've learned I can't trust anyone but myself and I've had to grow up in the last few years and set boundaries. I'm not afraid to let people in because even if you are scared you can learn something from them. There's always something you can learn from someone new.
I'm the girl that falls for someone too quickly. I'm the girl that gives everyone a chance with red flags and all. I'm the girl who sees past the bitter and even crazy and sees a person trying really hard to get stuff together. I see all this because I am that person too. I love a new challenge. Yes, I'm complicated but so is everyone.
Things change, people change and things happen for a reason. There is a plan and sometimes it doesn't unravel like you want it but there is a plan. But at the end you realize that is part of the plan and you go with it and sometimes you have to just chin-up and smile and roll with it.

What's New?

So I'm the type of girl who would never dream of over complicate things and likes to live a drama free life. So, when any red flags come up I go running for the hills. "Oh, you've been married and you have a kid?" Well that only means he fell in love and you know made a mistake. He totally deserves a second chance and you know who better than myself to take on more luggage. Pile it on!

I've made a few mistakes in the last few years when it comes to relationships and you know what at this point, I think its trail and error. So some work, some don't, and some you should have let go a hell of a lot earlier but you go along with the ride because you don't know where you will end. Some relationships you end up with your head in a toilet after drinking entirely too many bottles of wine and listening to Bonnie Tyler too many for any person with a soul. And sometimes you end up in places like Chicago,they're not all bad.

Why do you we like to over complicate things?

Why do we still end up with the same scenario time and time again? Or is it just me? I mean sometimes I think I can't attract a regular human being. I can't attract a guy who I don't know... doesn't have problems.That's harsh everyone has problems. I have problems by the buckets but if I have problems why can't the other person be stable.

I mean dealing with my problems right now is troublesome enough.

Ok..Ok..I'm being a little dramatic now.

I guess seeing this from another perspective might be clearer: I have problems therefore normal people might not want to date me seeing crazy red flags and all.

So maybe when I see red flags now I should think well, I know my red flags are waving high. Give them a chance. People go through a lot of things in their lives that I'm sure they don't want to go through like root canals and crazy break-ups and co-existing with ex's which is like having a root canal without the Novocaine.

As much as you don't want to date with someone who is still living with an ex or for some reason has 2 apartments.Leases are difficult and costly to break and well sometimes relationships end before the end of a lease which is kind of frightening and sad but it happens. Its happened to me and dealing with the situation has been difficult for all parties involved.

*Breathe* RELAX! *Breathe*

I'm thinking too much into this I'm over complicated this and this is entirely too much drama...What's new?

Woman seeking Man

Woman seeking man to give her a good romp...
Woman seeking man to have a decent conversation...
Woman seeking man to listen to her bitch...
Woman seeking man to compliment her...
Woman seeking man to romp him...
Woman seeking man to show off to gal pals...
Woman seeking man to change and mold...
Woman seeking man to drink beer with...
Woman seeking man to rub her feet...
Woman seeking man not to break her heart...
Woman seeking man to love her...
Woman seeking man to fall in love ...
Woman seeking man.
Simple enough, huh?
Yet it lies in the details
Woman seeking a man who is educated.
Woman seeking a man who is tall, dark, and handsome
Woman seeking man who can make me have a real orgasm
Woman seeking man who watches Grey's Anatomy and hates sports
Woman seeking man who doesn't look at other girls
Woman seeking man who has a steady job and will spoil her
Woman seeking man who wants to get married soon
Woman seeking man who wants to have children as soon as they're married
Woman seeking man with accent
Woman seeking man with Brad Pitt's body
Woman seeking man with George Clooney's smile
Woman seeking man that is a non-smoker and loves dogs
Woman seeking man that can actually read a novel (not a graphic novel but a novel)
Woman seeking man that loves romantic comedies and hates cars...etc.etc.
Why are we so damn picky? Why can't we just deal with a guy who well is just a guy. Who cares if he is obsessed with sports or you hates the music he listens to or they don't ever want to get married. Why do we care if they like our friends? Why do we care if they have an accent or love dogs? We are never satisfied, I'm sure there are a lot of men out there that are complete sweethearts, who would never in a million years hurt me but I will never date them because they don't know who Modest Mouse is or have never read Kafka. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we look for someone who is our "perfect match" when we know we will never be satisfied?
If I ever wrote a Woman seeking man it would say:
Woman seeking man who will tolerate craziness, obsession and true love. Someone who is completely up to do anything on a whim and isn't scared if plans change. Seeking a partner who voices opinions and listens to mine. Someone who loves coffee and staying up late to chat. Someone who loves dogs especially mine and would never dump me if I were to leave town for a job. Someone to compliment me every single day and isn't a smoker. Someone who is ready to fall in love...
Yeah, its a little detailed but so am I.

match.com the end to all romance

I was encouraged by a friend to join an online dating site. He said it was the best thing to do to meet people outside your circle of friends. After dating my "best friend" for over a year and going to school that only has 2000 students I was ready to move outside the close circle and reach the vast outside of the world wide web. So I tried a free dating site and then I gave up on that and decided to invest in something that at least is nationally recognized. I joined the most generic dating site in the world: match.com.
I have been on match.com for over a month now and I have met some interested people. It feels nice to get a wink although if someone would wink at me in real life and they didn't talk to me afterwords I would be a little upset. Online flirting is kind of a creepy mess. I mean they should have a bad pick up line for every time someone is interested in you like "is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them?" That is exactly how I feel when someone winks me on match.com.
So match.com decides that it can match you up with people that are uniquely compatible with you. For example, ximena_c and greatinbed2200 are a great fit because you exercise 3 to 4 times a week and so does greatinbed2200. But match.com you are matching me up with greatinbed2200, his username in itself is a key indicator this guy is a jerk. Match.com what are you doing?
Anyway I stopped reading dudes profiles I just look at the pictures. The only way I know how to explain match.com is like shopping for shoes online. Sure I can find a pair of badass kicks but are they going to be comfortable and are they actually going to look like the ones in the picture? Most importantly are they going to pay for my dinner or are they going to ruin my feet?
These are such important questions that match.com doesn't put into consideration when they decide to match me up with greatinbed2200 who i'm sure is more like mediocreinbedandwillcry aftersex. The point is that I don't even bother looking at my winks or at people's profiles who I'm sure put in a lot of effort to make themselves stand out. It is so normal to be on these online dating sites that I'm not afraid to tell people where I've met the guys I've been on dates with and the jerks who never emailed me back.
Right now match.com hasn't found me anyone who has 15 ways of compatibility and even if they do they're completely creepy. I also haven't been on any dates that I have been wowed by and the one guy I was interested in was well, "just not that into me." So maybe instead of looking for my perfect match on match.com today, I'll go shoe shopping instead...

So I hate blogs but at this point I'm a contradiction to everything I stand for. I hate people but I'm a Hospitality major. I want to live alone but I now have 2 roommates. I hate being single but I'm pretty much alone. Everything seems to be unravelling at the seams. But everyday I have a bright and shiny attitude that even sickens me.

So about 2 months ago my perfect existence seemed to vanish right in front of me. In an instant I was homeless (don't worry I'm staying with friends in an amazing high rise), boyfriendless (don't worry I'm already on Match.com) and reading self-help books (don't worry I have a library card and a borders gift card). So why is it so hard to come back from a break up?

I really don't understand how a girl that is 22 years old, totally smart, funny and just out going can be in this much pain right now? I mean I hate feeling sorry for myself and I really hate when other people feel sorry for me but fuck when do I get a break.

I think that's why I hate blogs...self pity makes me sick.

so enough about this lets get down to why I had one of those FML moments today. Well if you aren't familiar with FML it stands for Fuck My Life which has recently become a daily ritual for me to say. I hate people that have it on their facebook...So and So...FML! I mean really everyone has a shitty day but do you really have to put that as your status...really?!

So my day started like any other day with an epiphany of why I hate my ex. It was like a slap of reality we had NOTHING in common. He loves sports, I couldn't give a rat's ass about sports. I love alternative indie music. He loves metal. I read about 6 or 7 books in the year and half we were together. I don't know if he even read a 12 page story book I bought him. Regardless the list goes on and on but for some reason I stayed with him for a year and half...beats me.

So far not a bad day, makes you feel good to just realize your life was joke from time to time. So on the bus ride to school I get texts from my 2 "future" roommates about cosigners and leasing agreements and I haven't had coffee and I'm wearing my white shades trying to be as cool as I possibly can in my pink flannel plaid shirt. So finally we realize we need to calm down and get this done today and life goes on as usual me working at the coffee bar and attending class 10 minutes late and adding to a debate I know little about but I try. Again not so bad...so there's a guy I've been talking to from yeah...Match.com and we went on 2 dates and well they were exactly what I needed: eccentric, clever, and a bit strange. I was so enthused a guy actually wanted to talk to me I think I might have gotten clingy...God, I hate being clingy. We had these weird conversations today that i knew what they were going to attest to but I still was my nonchalant self and didn't give it any importance. So heres where my FML moment comes into play: Figure 1.0 dumps me! Yeah, we weren't even a couple and he dumps me. He says I don't want to lead you on and I don't want to persue your friendship. Seriously! REALLY! OMG!FML! LOL...I can't believe it! That is life. Well that's my life...