I remember many many nights ago sitting in my first apartment drunk in my closet and I was sad because I was alone and my friend came into my room and said, "what are you doing?" And I looked up at her with tears and my eyes and I said, "Why do we have to pretend to not be looking for anyone?" and she said, "because when we're not looking someone will find you." At that place and time I realized that I should live my life and I wiped away my fears and tears and went out to the nearest bar (Mexico) and danced my little butt off and in less than 3 months I fell in love. I fell in love like I had never been in love before (or so I thought) and I wanted to be with this person forever (or so I thought) and I had a 5 year plan.
I always have a 5 year plan.
The five year plan started in High School. I was this punky 15 year old girl with a rebellious heart that had a 5 year plan that included Amsterdam and college and the after life would just figure itself out. Then out of the blue came Carlos and there was a different 5 year plan that included college and then after 4 or 5 years of dating marriage and that failed. Then there came plan b: which was the same 4 years of college and getting back together but that failed because well I met Matt and so on. My 5 year plans fail. I guess the only thing that doesn't fail is that I knew I would always graduate from college as to my aspirations that have ranged from: film director, writer, graphic designer teacher, and now I'm graduating with a Hospitality degree. I'm not very religious but something that always sticks with me is, "If you have a plan, God laughs at it," and this holds true to me. Any plan I ever have the universe finds a way to make it not work and I always say its for a reason. Sometimes I understand completely why the reason for failure happened but most of the time I'm waiting astutely to why the universe has played this clever joke on me. I'm getting ready to graduate in a few quarters and I'm scared because for the first time ever I don't have a 5 year plan. I'm patiently waiting for something to happen to point me into the direction of my 5 year plan. I'm terrified but maybe all those times that I've made plans and they have fallen apart and I've been devastated have taught me that maybe I don't need a 5 year plan that like that one faithful night that I was sad I can still hear someone say to me, "it will work itself out". (And that's as optimistic as I'm going to get today!)
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