Hibernation

Seems to me everyone is worried about my current living situation, for the exception of myself. Its winter, time for hibernation: big sweaters, heavy scarfs, and bad hair due to weather but instead I am getting confronted about my hibernation status. I really do enjoy drinking a bottle of wine and eating pretzels while watching Conan its actually a pleasure and this is why.

Ever since I was 14 or 15 years old I've been presented with boy drama. A boy likes me, he doesn't like me, he notices me, I have a crush, I have boyfriend, I have a full on relationship that includes homemaker status, I'm getting over a relationship, or I feel miserable because of one or I am single. And for once that last bit doesn't make me sick. I'm happy not liking anyone, I'm happy not trying to dazzle anyone with my good looks or even more dazzling personality. I'm glad I'm not persuing anyone and no one is persuing me and I am taking a break from all the nonsense to focus on who better than myself. Ah! I feel a sense in relief in this. Because after almost 10 years of being in one of the above I feel its now time for me I don't feel ashamed or selfish or anything other than relieved.

Sure I guess I am one year closer to 30 which apparently is every girls expiration date. Sure I am getting hassled by my mother who I really wasn't expecting to ask me if I'm seeing someone as I tell her everything. I was hoping my friend wasn't hoping that somewhere between me freaking out about me graduating she wouldn't point out I've been single for while but it all happened.

Lets get this out in the open. In the last 4 years I've been dumped. I've been on that bitter end of the bottle where I didn't see anything else but another bottle but then I recovered. I have seen one relationship end and another one begin. One person leave and another one emerge but for the first time ever I am not expecting to be in a relationship any time soon.

I am content writing about past experiences, expanding my horizons, and attempting to get ahead in my career and graduate. Wow! Who knew Ximena could be so focused on herself for once.

I'm confused as to what I believe anymore. I don't expect for relationships to last at my age and I don't expect that there is any kind of whirl wind romance, I am not a romantic but somewhere between all my disappoints in the past I've lost what I was looking for. Perhaps someday I'll find it and someday I'll believe that there is someone perfect for everyone but until then I am happy just being by myself for the first time since my first boyfriend.

Oh yeah! Happy Hibernation!