The Dating Games

I started reading some old posts to get some inspiration for some new ones. The 2 favorites have always been Single and Looking...Just Single and Welcome To The Dark Side. I have often found these to be my security blankets of this blog. They speak volumes of what I've been through in the last several years without sounding like an overplayed record. Yes, drunk debauchery and lots of single dates that went nowhere. I still write about the same things which brings me to the conclusion that perhaps I haven't changed very much in the last few years and I am stuck in this rut because I refuse to change. I continue to face the situations much like a crazy person trying the same thing time and time again expecting different results. The girl who wrote those two posts was very clear, concise and optimistic.
In Single and Looking..Just Single, I write about not finding Prince Charming because he probably wears too much cologne but maybe I should be thinking about how I need to be less pushy, less available and more willing to date outside my normal "type" which is obviously not Prince Charming because I've never really been into clean cut types but more artistic fellows, someone rough around the edges who I can clean up if the time is right, and what is this DIY project fascination with guys, at this point I should be installing window treatments, not fixing a guys. This is the reason I am perhaps single and another thing I keep dating these guys who are completely unavailable and I don't mean they're married but they're emotionally unavailable. I keep dating guys who I assume one day will wake up and say "Oh, I am ready to be in a committed relationship" instead of dating guys who are already there. There are guys out there that think, "Hey, I really want a girlfriend." Those are the guys I should be dating, those are the guys, I should be seeking but no, of course not I like the ones that are the "challenge" and that's just the reason I am still here writing this blog and sitting at home shaking my fist at the world (couples, mainly). Have I become a little cynical? Yes. Everyday that passes and get closer to being a spinster, do I get a little sad? Yes. Will I give up on my quest to find the guy who finds this and I mean all of this attractive and doesn't go running for the hills? Probably not but for now I am glad I don't believe I am in self-sabotage mode. I know I probably have a few more years of heartache and maybe then I'll throw in the towel and go into spinsterhood but until then let the dating games begin, and may the odds be in my favor (damn,statistics).

An update on my 30 challenge is upon us.

30 days.

 Well, I know you guys are used to reading my rants about relationships, how hard they are, how I've overcome them, and the losers I've dated briefly. Don't worry this will be in here too but for now, I want to challenge myself in a different way. I want to change my appearance from the inside out.

Goal

I will be reading a book a week, running at least a mile a day, perhaps doing a physical activity (roller blading, rock climbing, segway, dancing, etc.), and of course cutting all junk food and carbonated beverages yes, this includes beer. So for the 4 weeks, I will tell you exactly what I have read, done, perhaps even eaten. Every few days I will post something which has either proven to be a challenge or something I have learned basically I will be creating a live journal through the next 30 days.

About Myself

 If you know anything about me is how much I hate to exercise and how much I love to eat, so that in itself will prove challenging. Why are you doing this?The answer is simple: now, I feel is the time to focus on me. I have focused a lot of attention on other people over the years. I also think it might make me overcome some of my self doubt and make me feel more confidant.

Readers/Followers if you would...

If you guys want to help me in the next 30 days please be sure to post comments and if you have any ideas of great healthy meals, activities, or books I should be reading please make sure to comment. Without you this will be a greater challenge, you guys are the reason I continue to do this. 

Thank you everyone and happy reading. 

Adjustment

I am a chronically bad dater. Well, that's obvious. If I had a good relationship I would have a blog called: "In a relationship: stereotypical stories of an awesome couple." Instead, I have this, which in fact can be fun. Sometimes, I get down on myself and I say I can't do this anymore. I am just going to quit and face the fact that I am going to be alone forever with my cat. Which wouldn't be much of blog but I guess that one would be called: "Super SINGLE: Stereotypical stories of my awesome cat".
On that note, I guess I will share my latest nugget of bad graces. Moving to a new city is rough. You have a new job, you have to find new hang out spots, find new friends, face new weather, adapt, to sum it up. I have done it rather gracefully here in Austin. I've found some nice hang out spots and have made new friends and have actually actively dated more than any other place I have lived. On that note I have dated some winners (not). The latest was a guy who I thought I had stuff in common just ran for the hills. Like literally FREAKED THE FUCK OUT! I don't mean that lightly. We had pretty amazing dates that were working out and just being an insecure wreck that I am; I found myself asking him a very simple question which then internalized a tangent of other questions. You are probably thinking, what did this demonic girl ask this poor sensitive boy? Well, I asked him this, "what do you think of me?" which he answered with "I like you" without missing a beat which I pondered and asked "In what way.." knowing exactly what he was going to answer but instead I went snowballing a very simple question into something much more which caused a confusing state of awkwardness between me and this guy. Killing any chances of going out with him which sucks because well A. he liked me and B. he was really nice, which is much more than any other guy I have dated in the city.
I think I have put myself in the same situation time and time again, perhaps I am not ready to be in a relationship? Maybe, I put myself in these predicaments because I want to self-sabotage the situation. I'm not saying that I don't like the attention guys normally show me. I am not saying that I don't like going on these dates and getting to know these boys and for them to get to know me a little better. I'm not saying that but first dates are always weird, they're a weird mix of interview/bragging which I can never nail. I can also say this, right now its a time of adjustment. I just moved to this city. These are all silly excuses but if the the right guy walks into my life, I'm not going to ruin it by my sincere insecurities. For now, I'll enjoy the many things Austin has to offer. I am not too worried about  the dating scene as it really is easy for me here. Yes, I have a soul and yes, I was a little crushed yesterday when this happened. I do have a lot of emotions and get sad, upset and all girlie from time to time but every time this happens it becomes easier. I know that something better will come and I also know that I will know it in my bones when it comes my way. Every bit of rejection makes me stronger and every guy that runs from something good isn't worth holding on to. The right guy will come when I am least expecting it and will fight and show me that we belong together and not freak the fuck out. On that note, Single and Looking will continue to be the place I post more heinous stories about bad dates, dating advice, and anything else weird.

Story Time

I have always given you honest blog posts of what is going on in my life and its not like lately I haven't given you honesty or have deviated from where I started but I have perhaps been vague. The themes have become the story rather than the story being the story. In other words, I think its time to participate in Ximena story time which is always a way of saying something fucked up happened to me so listen to this everyone you  will learn a lesson.
I went on date with this guy named, Mike. Mike was someone that I met online, (nothing wrong with that by the way). Mike was a nerdy dude in his late 20s who was probably looking for a serious something or another. I'm mostly on dating sites to make friends and I am very clear about my intentions. That's a different theme I'll touch on later. Back to the story I should have known from the first meeting that I should probably not see this guy, leading someone on is wrong (yet another theme I'd like to cover later) but I did anyway. I finally met him a second time around. The second time around we met a group of people that were sitting at a table next to us (2 guys and a girl). They were obviously drunk, funny, hipsters and thought while my date is lame this table is actually a whole lot of fun. I made friends and started just having a friendly discussion. My date Mike seemed uncomfortable and I shifted my body to face this table. I stopped looking at Mike and concentrated on my new acquired friends (I know, not cool). I actually started to think the guy next to me (Cody) was very good looking and my conversation continued with this guy for a while, less on my date, less with the other 2 and more and more with this pedicab driver. The other 2 at the table said they had to leave and I was left with Mike and Cody, at this point I excused myself went to the bathroom and when I returned no one was at the table. I saw Cody getting on his bike and refusing to make eye contact. I saw Mike, beside himself standing like a proud peacock. He apparently told pedicab guy to back off and to stop talking to me etc. (jealous bastard = unattractive jerkface).
A few days later I see pedicab guy at my job and I say hello. He stopped by 5 times in the 2 days. I was thrilled, hot,hipster pedicab guy driver wasn't just a drunk talking to me. In the mean time I told Mike to go fly a kite and I was proud of myself for doing such an honest thing. We didn't have anything in common and he's right, I held more of connection with pedicab guy.
This is the part I believe in karma. Cody asked for my number and to hang out. We hung out, we had a beer, we went "dancing" and then I went home. I haven't heard from him.

Points I'm trying to make:
1. Online dating is for everyone especially if you just moved to a new city
2. Always trust your gut and there is no need for second chances if your heart doesn't sing move on
3. Meeting someone at a bar does not equal a soul mate
4. Guys stop playing by stupid rules and text a girl when she texts you its stupid to play coy
5. Girls stop worrying if a guy is gonna text you who gives a shit
6. Don't over step boundaries
7. If you are not feeling it, tell the other party involved and don't just ignore it. Closure is important.
8. Dancing is important
9. Jealousy is not sexy
10. Words of wisdom from Zach Jacob resonate when I meet assholes..."Fuck that guy." are words to live by.


I like my adventures in single-hood. I'll take a weird night over a normal night and perhaps I'm not the best judge in character. I care too much what others think and I believe in karma. That's all from one little short story, bring it J.D. Salinger!

Dear Readers,

I will never understand boys and one would remark, something along the lines of  you haven't met a real man. This is inexcusable because while I'd like to say I am a woman, I still consider myself very much a girl. Plus, its the story of boy meets girl anyway.
 I think men say that they have it difficult to get into the mind set of a woman, I can't seem to wrap my mind around boys, their thoughts, their reasoning behind the things they do. Yes, girls sometimes play the opposite game and we love to talk about our emotions, feelings. We are all wrapped up in this emotional blanket, not all, I am. In that same breath I hate overly emotional guys, guys with PMS tendency and short fuses, its not sexy. I'd like for a man to tell me whats going through his mind the first time we meet and perhaps blunt, not waste my time. I hate playing these rules we've all set up for ourselves, 3 dates, "talking", hooking up. The games we play and the "Oh, I can't talk to you right away", because I'll seem to desperate or even the catching up to be 'polite'.The last time I had a true connection with a guy, not physical, a true emotional bond was high school. When back then I would spend hours on the phone talking to my "best friend" and trying to be more than just a friend. He never saw me that way or he did but he respected me in a way, I haven't been respected in years. We were kids and now we probably wouldn't be friends, too much has happened. There are guys that I'm friends with but something always is in the back of my mind is that men and women cannot just be friends. We do have that sexual attraction and even if we don't want to be involved, something in those relationships always is there. I can't explain it.
Can someone please just give me a straight answer and stop giving me the go-around? If you like me, tell me you like me. If you don't, don't fuck around and just say this isn't going anywhere. I'm okay with it really, I've survived a lot worse. Another thing what is all this bullshit going around of not wanting to be in a relationship, "friends with benefits". Getting your dick wet isn't filling a hole in your emotional destitute. I know you have commitment issues but if you can sign a 2 year contract with a cellphone company you can have a relationship, it is in your DNA.
Yes, this is me going on another rant. Yes, this is me a little pissed off at 'man' kind. Yes, this is me putting another post online that people will probably think I'm more of an emotional wreck. Here it is. I don't get it. I don't understand games, friendships with boys, friends with benefits, relationships, connections, dates, I am completely clueless. 10 years ago I thought I would understand this by now. By now, I'd find the man, boy, male species that would define these things and while I have had some great insight it always makes me more confused, more irritated that I haven't found it. For all of you that have, congrats and hold on, they're rare in between.

Is that the Austin Motel Sign or are you just happy to see me?

I'm back!!!

Getting my shit together has been tougher than I thought. I mean honestly, I thought I was going to go back home to Texas, I was going to find this amazing job in San Francisco in a month tops and I was going to move there and all these magical unicorns were going to whisk me off to the sunset as the prodigal daughter coming back to save California from evils like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Paris Hilton and other tragedies of the state. Instead, I stayed unemployed in Del Rio, Texas for 3 months which seemed like forever. Then, I found myself moving to Austin and buying a car which I promised myself I would never do but, I did. Getting a job as a waitress which I promised myself I'd never go back to doing but I have to right now to make ends meet and to top things off I live alone. Alone really alone, like no cat or dog, fish or any living creature lives with me and while I have lived in places where I've felt alone, this is a first for me and I'm not 100% sure how to feel about it. So, I'm not saving Californians but I guess there are worse tragedies in Texas than California so, we have to deal with people thinking Rick Perry is actually an acceptable candidate and also having to watch Fox News as a real information source which kinda kills me inside. But lets get to the goods of Austin: Great Live Music every night of the week (Live Music Capital of the World), its gotta mean something, Texans know how to cook, and well its nice I'm not freezing my ass off and I moved here in the "dead of winter".

I think I've griped before about how alone and sad I was and how hard it was to live in Chicago and how I wish I had a companion. What a load of shit that was. Right now, I am hoping for change (something Obama promised me almost 4 years ago and has somewhat delivered). I am hoping for that magical fairy to find me a better job and for me never to see a dirty dish again, well other than my own. I am hoping to make new friends and really start enjoying this town. Hardships will always be in your life and its how you overcome them. I was consumed with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss of confidence in myself recently and I disliked it. I truly was feeling sad for myself but I had to stop and rethink, "where was I 2 months ago?" I have a hardass as a friend and sometimes you need them. Sometimes you need someone to push your buttons but sometimes you need a cheerleader. You need someone to be in your corner with you and not sucker punching you when you're down. I think that's something I've learned recently I don't want to be that friend that is "too honest" or "tells things how they are" or "the realist" I want to be compassionate and be empathetic. Now, is the time I need a cheerleader, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on. My resources in this town are limited, I didn't go to college here and I don't have slew of friends to call and go and have beer with, I have a handful (and that's stretching it) of people that I can call so please find a way of relating to me. I hate lecturing people on friendship because the way I see it is that you aren't stuck with these people you call friends. If you don't like them for whatever reason you can say "hey, this is just not working anymore" or you can just avoid them like a plague pretty much like any other relationship. I guess when you've been friends with someone for so long you forget that you can do that or perhaps you don't even realize it. The nice thing about friendships is this people come and go and they grow in other relationships and maybe someday you'll get the opportunity to have them back in your life again (which happens to me often). The importance of friendships is what they provide perhaps its someone you share all your secrets with, someone who makes you laugh, a hobby buddy, etc. I mean that's the fantastic thing about friendships they're certainly undefined. I moved to Austin because I have a friend and I've always wanted to live here. I finally moved here and I still have that same friend to push me when I'm lacking in confidence and to make me laugh when I'm feeling down. I'm glad I live in Austin, y'all.