Best Friend

I think the single thing that drives me the most crazy when my best friend is crying her eyes out telling me that "its over" between her and the asshole her that dumped her, is hearing the next few words being uttered, "but he was my best friend". Yeah, that stings like salt in wound and at that point I turn from sympathetic best friend to very apathetic girl that is watching you cry your eyes out. So in a way of course we want to ideally date our best friend. We want to be friends with a guy and one day realize "Wow! I had never noticed you before, when did you ever get to be so handsome?" Although it has happened to many, most of the time we go into friendships with a bit of optimism that this might one day be an option. Its like in When Harry met Sally, Harry points out guys and girls can't be friends because there is always a sexual tension between them and while I disagree with this statement, I have been one of those girls that started a friendship with a guy (yes, just a friendship) and ended up dating him. Yes, I was also balling my eyes out and saying "but he's suppose to be my best friend".

I guess its been awhile since I've had my heart broken, not that I want to remember how that feels but I do know that during this time you are grasping on to anything. You are so utterly destroyed all you want is perhaps that initial feeling that had nothing to do with your relationship but more with the start the friendship. Perhaps, in your moment of complete confusion you are only focusing on the great parts of the relationship, how it all came to be and its only natural to start at the beginning. I know for every failed relationship I've ever had I can't really remember the in between part but the beginning and the end are picture clear. I can remember first dates, first kiss, even the first time I heard the words "I love you". I remember how things were right when I wasn't dating, the person who I was, what I wanted at that particular moment in my life, perhaps even the band that was playing repeatedly on my iPod. And because I am fond of writing this blog I remember every intricate detail of the dissolution of the relationship, the fights leading up to it, the distance, and of course dealing with the heartache afterwards. I don't regret much but I do regret calling this person my best friend when I know that if any of my friends broke my heart time and time again I would not call them my best friend. I would never be friends with someone who lies to me or cheats but I am willing to be friends with this person if I was in a relationship with them, why?

I hope one day I don't meet prince charming or someone who sweeps me off my feet. I'd much rather hope for one day for my best friend to meet the guy who will be my partner in crime, life and for her to say "Ah, you've met your match".

As for you Missy crying your eyes out calling out for your best friend, stop your crying your friend is the one giving you the tissue and thinking of 20 ways of how to kill the person who made you feel this way.

Anna Karenina

I've written about the feeling of uncertainty and letting yourself feel sad and some days are better than others and its all part of the process. I also expressed my sappy feelings about remembering the good times, that not everything was a Lifetime film and there are cute moments.

I guess what I'm saying is that one day you wake up and the crying stops. The little things that you couldn't do become easier and yes you will have set backs. I think I'm at the part of not feeling very much right now. I have become relationship apathetic. I have even utter phrases like "I don't know if I believe in love." So for saying those things out loud I am forcing myself to read the greatest (or longest) love story of all times, Anna Karenina. That's right an 800 page novel to teach me a lesson or two about love.

I guess me sitting around and blogging about chopsticks became a little trivial this morning. I was thinking of great love stories like Romeo and Juliet, they committed suicide. Anna Karenina jumped in front of a train. Helen of Troy, had had a major war over her and epic poem. So, I'm not saying that I need to have a weird murder suicide with my lover or to get hit by bus or a war. These things are tremendously tragic but I want more than just thinking that chopsticks are romantic. I'm not ready for someone to write me poetry or serenade me, that to me its just weird. But how about John Cusack in Say Anything with the boom box in the rain. Or Jake Ryan at the end of 16 Candles waiting for Molly Ringwald. Or Ferris Bueller proposing to his girlfriend Sloan just because he knew he was in love with her and couldn't live without her. That kind of John Hughes romance is what I'm looking for but not yet. I'm not ready for Danke Schoen in the middle of a parade but maybe just maybe when I finish reading Anna Karenina and half a dozen other romantic novels I might want to have a romance where I won't have to be blogging about failures but rather figuring out how I got so lucky.

Chopsticks

It has come to my attention that some of my readers think I'm still pining away at my old relationships. That I am somehow sitting at home, eating pints of Ben and Jerry's, and crying myself deeply to sleep while listening to Celine Dion (and then blog about it). As much as I should have been doing that I take a more proactive approach to self destruction that does not include the latter. I'd much rather look really hot and go out to bar to get hit on by strangers than cry myself to sleep. I have taken it upon myself to drink and go out a lot but to be honest it still takes a whole lot of you to do this when you're feeling miserable.

Anyway this blog isn't about breaking up and how to deal with it. Its about relationships as a whole. Which comes to my next point: Chopsticks.

Chopsticks.

It always seems to be the case that when you are falling out of love your friends seem to be falling in it. Which makes you feel in one word, lonely. You look all around you and they're holding hands, they have pet names for one another, and you're thinking gag the only thing crossing my mind right now is how not to kick that puppy or make that baby cry. Then your doe eyed friend looks at you and says "You'll get better, why don't you focus on all the great little things that make a relationship". So instead of saying "No!" I'd rather go and stick my head in the oven Sylvia Plath style, I thought back at all the things in my life that made me say, "yes, this is why I really liked you."

Which brings us to chopsticks. Believe me I've had really decent guys in my life. I've had really nice presents and cute cards and amazing dinners but I'm not materialistic. So while the presents and dinners are nice touches, little things mean so much more to me. My freshman year of college I lived with my first roommate Anastasia and even though we had a little in common I thought we had a really great living situation so it was odd that one day she just decided to move out. I was a little torn but I had too much going on to really think about it. So when I realized all the cookware was hers and she had taken all the silverware I resorted to using chopsticks from Panda Express. I ate everything with them and I got to be very skilled with a set of chopsticks. Once my neighbor, then pal, and not yet ex boyfriend found me eating with chopsticks he brought me a set of silverware so I could at least eat my cereal with a spoon but later that evening he knocked on my door and brought me a set of plastic reusable chopsticks from Chinatown. I can say some terrible things about him and I think I have mentioned a few on this particular blog. I know we had our ups and downs and we're not exactly friends right but when people ask me why I dated him, I always end it with chopsticks.

* Again I am not pining away at old feelings. Looking back and remembering good stuff isn't a horrible thing. Yes, I'm going to say it, its part of the process. I have come to the state of mind that I can remember great memories and not feel like I need to dive myself into a gin and tonic. I have reached the point that I'm okay at remembering the good, the bad and the ugly because its all part of the relationship process. I'm okay, really. *

Words of Wisdom from the Unwise: Part 3 Breaking Up, The Melt Down

The Melt Down

So you think you've reached the hump. You think alright I'm getting used to this being alone business. You also think "pfft..what did I ever see in that guy?" Then in the middle of Starbucks you realize the guy in front of you is ordering the exact drink you're ex drank and he's wearing his favorite shirt and chuck taylors and you are back to square one. You're back to moping, crying, running to Borders to the self-help section or you're at the local watering hole where the bartender already knows your drink before you order it.

Ok, this happens we all have set backs and there is no reset button. You have to ride it out. The melt down, the break down, are unexpected you might be perfectly fine one day and you might find his sock the next and it might be a turn to the worse. Don't let these insignificant days take a hold of you. Remember everyone has bad days. Think of the days you wake up late because you forgot to set your alarm. You wear a shirt that has a stain on it. It rains on you and you were suppose to go on that date with that hot guy. Take those moments and remember they can always be turned into a really bad set of stand up comedy.

So if your song is playing on the radio change it. If you find an old sock THROW IT AWAY! If you can't deal with it, cry. Its just another part of the process. Oh yeah and also don't be sappy and blog, I went back and read a few posts from a kinda difficult time in my life and I guess I'm glad I wrote those then but now I'm thinking of deleting them. Do whatever makes you happy and remember this will pass, you'll be back to thinking "pfft..why was I with that guy who orders Frappuccinos? MAN UP DRINK COFFEE PUNK!"

*Please don't say this out loud! It might get you escorted out of a Starbucks*

Words of Wisdom from the Unwise: Uncertainty

Uncertainty.

I guess that's the worst feeling after a break up. What are you suppose to do? Should you call? Should you stay at home? Should you go out? Should you cry? Should you be happy its over? The questions cloud your very existence. Then other questions cloud these questions like Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? How can I change this? And a series of questions that never end. Then you go out and look for those answers and you are shrouded with even more doubt. "No, its not you, its me", "I need space", "we can be friends".

My favorite line. A line that you always want to hear. You know what..No! I don't want to be friends. I don't. You broke my heart. You are probably going to keep my favorite blanket and as you might find out later I'm not going to give you back your sweater. On that note no guy/girl/etc. should ever utter these words.

Yes, this is the girl who still is friends with most of her exes for some odd reason. I don't know why and no its not this desire to have them fall in love with her again. I just realize that maybe a year or 2 or 5 after a break up we can be friends. We can be buds maybe have a drink but maybe not. But definitely still be friends on Facebook just so you can stalk each other ever so often, I'm kidding (not really). I think its smarter to not be friends with your exes to be honest with you. Its better to remember with a little remorse and some good memories.

Maybe you are one of those people who still are best friends with that kid that they met in kindergarten but I'm not. I met my best friend in 8th grade, Europe, college and many other places. My best friend has been Karla who I still think the world of, my host brother, my boyfriends (at the time), my roommates and always my mother. What I'm getting at is that with time you will see less similarities like that kid in kindergarten. You will realize that you don't need to talk to your ex-significant other every single night. That in some way you might still care about them but there's not that longing desire to connect with them. All those questions you had before vanish. The uncertainty becomes clear again and you can start new.

Words of Wisdom from the Unwise. Part 1 Breaking Up

I guess as trivial as this may sound I kind of wanted to start giving advice to those all out there looking for love. I'm no expert maybe as time progresses I'll get better at this but maybe some of my social commentary will make you not feel alone in the universe.

Breaking up

I think that's the problem these days when you first break up with your significant other you can't see past hindsight. I know its difficult and everyone around you is saying things like "you're better without him", "you'll find someone else", "just give it time". And in your distraught mind frame these words of cliche encouragement are things you'd rather not hear. I'm not going to sit here and tell you man its easy to break up with someone being the dumper or the dumpee. Its just not. You miss the person you were with as torturous as the relationship was and your hindsight is probably the end of a bottle or it is for me.
Look I've been the girl that was so horribly depressed I went out and I bought self help books and when I'm down in the dumps I look over at my bookshelf and realize I am no longer that girl in the middle of Borders holding on to her last bit of dignity buying a self help book. At this time I will tell you, you are going to be your own worst enemy believe me there's a handful of very poppy country songs to back me up on this one. For one please don't key anyones car (Thanks Carrie for singing about sweet revenge) and two this is actually kind of funny I'll say this but be careful with the alcohol (I Need You Now Lady Antebellum told us a little something about drunk dialing) just for heads up and three its ok to feel miserable.
Yes that's right ladies and gentlemen I am encouraging, urging you to not feed yourself lies. NO "I'll be better" pep talks to yourself. Not yet anyway, its ok to cry. Its ok to take a little time off from being your cheery self and feel a little down. If this relationship meant something it will hurt and it will hurt for some time. And as much I encourage self destructive behavior at this point I'd like to say many gin and tonics, wine, beer etc. have made me realize that was just an empty road going nowhere. It does however relieve some kind of pain at times but mostly makes you feel miserable the next day.
I hate the books or people that tell you to go jogging or find an activity. You're activities at this point should be to sit at home and wallow. Wallow and once you get over the wallowing, realize what you did before you were with this person. Remember that you liked to watch Dancing with the Stars on Mondays instead of Monday Night Football. That instead of buying tickets to a baseball game you can now get pedicures. Remember you have friends that love hanging out with you and just you. Remember you're good at things like baking, writing, riding a bike, photography, etc. and sooner or later you realize that yeah it was painful at first but now that you have learned more about yourself you don't know why you were with that person to begin with.
I know this is cliche and it may come as a no brainer but remember that you're friends are there for a reason. They will be there during the good, the bad, the ugly. Have them listen to you because there will come a time sooner or later you'll have the roles switched and you can repay the favor.

I guess this me returning the favor.

Single and Looking...Just Single.

10 minutes. I just need 10 minutes to compose something obvious. So when I started this blog over a year ago I had just gotten dumped by my then boyfriend Matt and started compulsively dating to get over him which I think I did brilliantly but a year has passed. Well a good year plus has passed. In that year I have gotten through several typical and not typical types of relationships. I've also gone through a full on transformation of myself. I went through denial and phase of really bad drinking but now its easy to describe my break up without falling apart. Its comical in a sense as I take it with a grain of salt. So when people ask me what happen I simply say this "I went on internship, I had a boyfriend, I came back from internship 3 months later, he had a new girlfriend. I moved out, end of story." Yes, there is a lot more than that, I guess me being a possessive overly pushy bitch doesn't help any relationship but whatever. I am a little less pushy than before or so I think. I still have room for improvement and I guess that's what you learn by being single but being single comes with a lot compromises. I guess being alone doesn't work for anyone but that guy that wrote Walden but I am not that in tune with nature so I guess I need to have the constant attention of a real piece of work kind of guy. Most of the guys I've dated have some deep issues and I'd rather not get into the Psyche of these types because its actually kind of depressing as they attract a very specific and kinda in her own way, fucked up kind of girl (me). But in less depressing news here it is: I like being single! Wow! I never in a million years thought I'd get to that conclusion no I am not that guy that says I am an island and stand alone, fuck no. I'm a girl that's not looking to find the right guy. I'd rather not look for prince charming he's not out there and if he is he probably wears too much cologne and hair gel. I'd rather say that I'm looking to live a happy existence as to where I am in life right now. I might be alone but I'm not really. Finally, finding some peace oh and more importantly laughter in every outrageous situation. So, I got dumped for a girl with big boobs. Had a guy who I thought was perfect leave me just to get away. Dated a bunch of strangers. Have had more than a handful of awkward encounters with people I dated briefly because I confused looks with a connection. Looked for love in the wrong places and now I'm here. Conclusion aw..I'm no longer Single and Looking...I'm just Single and Happy.