Anna Karenina

I've written about the feeling of uncertainty and letting yourself feel sad and some days are better than others and its all part of the process. I also expressed my sappy feelings about remembering the good times, that not everything was a Lifetime film and there are cute moments.

I guess what I'm saying is that one day you wake up and the crying stops. The little things that you couldn't do become easier and yes you will have set backs. I think I'm at the part of not feeling very much right now. I have become relationship apathetic. I have even utter phrases like "I don't know if I believe in love." So for saying those things out loud I am forcing myself to read the greatest (or longest) love story of all times, Anna Karenina. That's right an 800 page novel to teach me a lesson or two about love.

I guess me sitting around and blogging about chopsticks became a little trivial this morning. I was thinking of great love stories like Romeo and Juliet, they committed suicide. Anna Karenina jumped in front of a train. Helen of Troy, had had a major war over her and epic poem. So, I'm not saying that I need to have a weird murder suicide with my lover or to get hit by bus or a war. These things are tremendously tragic but I want more than just thinking that chopsticks are romantic. I'm not ready for someone to write me poetry or serenade me, that to me its just weird. But how about John Cusack in Say Anything with the boom box in the rain. Or Jake Ryan at the end of 16 Candles waiting for Molly Ringwald. Or Ferris Bueller proposing to his girlfriend Sloan just because he knew he was in love with her and couldn't live without her. That kind of John Hughes romance is what I'm looking for but not yet. I'm not ready for Danke Schoen in the middle of a parade but maybe just maybe when I finish reading Anna Karenina and half a dozen other romantic novels I might want to have a romance where I won't have to be blogging about failures but rather figuring out how I got so lucky.